My Story

Just one year ago, I (not so happily) weighed in at 125 lbs.  I was working at a local gym, attempting to work out every day, and eating very poorly.  Two years prior to that, I weighed (again, not so happily) 100 lbs, I was in the gym for roughly 2 hours every day while I consumed a meager 150-600 calories per day.  And even two years before that, I weighed 145-150 lbs, I went to the gym every other day ish, and I ate whenever and whatever I felt like.  This is my story:

As I grew up in elementary school, middle school, and even high school, I compared myself to the people around me.  In my early years, I saw my friends legs were smaller than mine and I hated my body.  As I began to mature, I developed hips while the rest of my friends stayed beautifully straight without the hideous curves I grew to hate.  In high school I'd watch the skinny girls talk about what size they were, wondering if their legs were as big as mine, trying to determine which girl was my size, which was smaller, all the while it never entered my mind to diet or exercise.  In freshman P.E. I saw for the first time, as I'd never worked out before, the result of pushing your body to the max.  I dropped from 140 to 120, it was glorious.  I remember being proud of my body in a swimsuit that summer, never caring to lose more weight or to keep pushing myself after the year was over.

In college, I began working out semi regularly, finally attempting to eat well.  I became a vegetarian, I made my own meals, I refused to gain the freshman fifteen.  I managed my weight around 130 for several months, until one week I went on vacation, ate whatever I wanted, and came home weighing 145.  I was devastated, I watched my weight soar to 148, 150, finally I'd had enough.  I began my first ever diet.  I researched what it meant to count calories, what it meant to expel more in the gym than I was taking in during meals, what I needed to do in order to become healthy.

I began by eating 1600 calories per day, and I saw a very drastic change very quickly.  Before long, in order to stay at 1600 calories or below, because that must certainly be better, I was only eating dinner.  I'd starve myself all day, telling my body that if I could make it to 3 pm then I'd beat the hardest part of the day.  I dropped weight very quickly that year, by the time spring came around, I weighed 123 and I was still not satisfied.  I began eating only fruits and veggies and because I had the time for it, whenever I felt bored I drove myself to the gym.  Before too much time passed, I was spending an hour in the gym twice a day, maxing myself out, and eating only 1000 calories.  By the time the year was over, I knew that to eat 1000 calories, my body would gain 1 lb, to eat 600 calories, my body would maintain it's weight, and to eat anything below, but preferably around 200 calories, I'd lose anywhere from 1 to 2 lbs in a day.  I would frequently take several days of not eating anything at all in order to go out to eat during the week.  In the course of a year, I dropped from 115 to 110 to 105 until one day I stood on the scale and weighed a measly 98 lbs.  I was scared, but also very proud.

Fast forward a year.  I moved to a new home, a place where there was plenty of unhealthy food present, a place where I didn't belong to a gym, and no one knew what I struggled with.  I began to binge uncontrollably.  I watched my weight rise in horror, going from 100 to 110 to 115.  I felt like I was out of control, incapable of managing my weight and my eating habits as I had just a few months before.  I became addicted to laxatives, using any means necessary to purge the food from my system, finding that I only gained more and more and more weight and it was suddenly becoming noticeable.  Before I knew it, I weighed 132 and I couldn't keep the weight from rising even more.  Finally, one day I came home from a trip having not eaten anything the day before, I stepped on the scale and realized I hadn't lost any weight.  I was 140 and miserable.  It was that day that I stopped stepping on the scale and I haven't looked back. 

Now for the first time in years I eat three balanced meals every single day.  I go to the gym 6 days a week for an hour, I only drink water, and I don't eat any processed foods.  I don't know what I weigh and I don't care to know again.  I don't wear clothes that make me feel uncomfortable, thus making me wish I weighed less or hate myself.  I choose to be healthy for my complete well-being.  Being an anoretic greatly affected my mental health.  I dropped into sever depression, I had no drive, determination, or will power.  I lost sight of what was important to me, I lost sight of my faith, I accepted defeat. 
Eating right and exercising makes your body strong and happy which in turn makes your mind strong and happy.

 I have taken my need for rules and regulations that makes it so easy to develop an eating disorder, and I've channeled it into a healthy lifestyle.  I'll be posting tips, tricks, recipes, excersises, and positive thoughts in order to both fuel myself and hopefully inspire you to do the same.